Dear Mom,
We're busy planning out your burial which is schedule for this Saturday. Uncle Mel and them can't make it..I feel guilty. I feel as though I should reschedule it for a date when everyone can be there, but taht's probably not possible. So, we will keep it for Saturday.
I keep thinking of what you would want in the ern with your ashes....a paintbrush, a letter, a picture...but nothing seems good enough. I want to put myself in there with you!!! I miss you soo much, it hurts so much!! Things are supposed to get easier but it doesn't! All I want to do is yell, scream and cry!!! You always knew how to make me feel better, where are you while I'm going through this nightmare...The thing I always told you would be the one thing to kill me!!! I am to young to have no mom......
I don't mean to make you feel guilty, it is not your fault. I just miss you so much!!! Why didn't I dream this event, I alwayd dream them!!
For now I'll go to bed, as my day begins at 530 am to drive Kyle to work everyday......
I love you mommy! And if you have anyway of telling me, please tell me what you want for Saturday...
love me
Showing posts with label alana. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alana. Show all posts
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
How do you say goodbye to someone who wasn't only your room mate, but your best friend and most importantly your mother?
Recently my mom passed away and I had to say goodbye to her. It was the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. Watching her lay there, breathing with life support as her only aid, I told her, "this is goodnight not goodbye." I also promised her that "i'll love you forever, i'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my mommy you'll be." Hoping that by some miracle she'd wake up, or that I would wake up and it would all be a dream. But it wasn't and it isn't. She is never going to wake up and I'm never going to wake up from this nightmare.
This nightmare conitnues daily as I think about all the amazing times we've had together. I keep waiting for her 20 phone calls a day and they never come... and realizing that they will never come again I cry. And realising that she'll never be there to dry another tear from my eye I cry again.
Weddings and children don't seem as important anymore. How do I get married without her there to help me shop for the dress, the shoes, invitations, etc? How do I have children without her there to teach me how to take care of them?
I don't know what do do without her...nobody has the answers... it hurts so much!!! How do i live without her?
Recently my mom passed away and I had to say goodbye to her. It was the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. Watching her lay there, breathing with life support as her only aid, I told her, "this is goodnight not goodbye." I also promised her that "i'll love you forever, i'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my mommy you'll be." Hoping that by some miracle she'd wake up, or that I would wake up and it would all be a dream. But it wasn't and it isn't. She is never going to wake up and I'm never going to wake up from this nightmare.
This nightmare conitnues daily as I think about all the amazing times we've had together. I keep waiting for her 20 phone calls a day and they never come... and realizing that they will never come again I cry. And realising that she'll never be there to dry another tear from my eye I cry again.
Weddings and children don't seem as important anymore. How do I get married without her there to help me shop for the dress, the shoes, invitations, etc? How do I have children without her there to teach me how to take care of them?
I don't know what do do without her...nobody has the answers... it hurts so much!!! How do i live without her?
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