Saturday

Dear Mom,

We're busy planning out your burial which is schedule for this Saturday. Uncle Mel and them can't make it..I feel guilty. I feel as though I should reschedule it for a date when everyone can be there, but taht's probably not possible. So, we will keep it for Saturday.

I keep thinking of what you would want in the ern with your ashes....a paintbrush, a letter, a picture...but nothing seems good enough. I want to put myself in there with you!!! I miss you soo much, it hurts so much!! Things are supposed to get easier but it doesn't! All I want to do is yell, scream and cry!!! You always knew how to make me feel better, where are you while I'm going through this nightmare...The thing I always told you would be the one thing to kill me!!! I am to young to have no mom......

I don't mean to make you feel guilty, it is not your fault. I just miss you so much!!! Why didn't I dream this event, I alwayd dream them!!

For now I'll go to bed, as my day begins at 530 am to drive Kyle to work everyday......

I love you mommy! And if you have anyway of telling me, please tell me what you want for Saturday...

love me

Are You The One?

He walks in and my heart does a little Pitter-patter
I think to myself, “is he the one?”

He drives me to childhood insanity and sexual ecstasy,
I think to myself, “is he the one?”

Dancing around and shopping in the stores,
I think to myself, “is he the one?”

Crying in his arms, laughing between the sheets,
I think to myself, “is he the one?”

We can talk for hours or not at all,
I think to myself, “is he the one?”

How can something – someone so great not be
So I ask him now, “are you the one?”

-Alana Bender, May 3, 2007