Dear Mom

Hi, mom. It's me again. Can you believe that it has been three months already?! It feels like three lifetimes to me.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss you like crazy!! I can't even watch a show about a girl getting married or pregnant without feeling a pain in my chest. A pain of jealousy and sadness and anger that you won't be there for those milestones in my life. IT'S NOT FAIR!

I'm not angry at you. It's not your fault, you had no choice but to go. I'm angry at God or whoever. What use could they have for someone who was only 50...? Someone who was my bestfriend and mother?! Someone who was there for everyone even if they weren't always there for her?! I'M JUST SO ANGRY AND SAD!! IT HURTS!!!

Enough tears have fallen from my eyes to fill a lake. And still they come, like there's no end to them. You would think they would stop after awhile. However, they don't. They just keep falling. Where's the rainbow at the end of the storm? When will any of this make sense?

I made Kyle and I wings and cheese sticks for supper tonight. I promise to take care fo the boys for you. I know i'm no mother to them but i promise you I will make sure that they are always ok!!! I will always always ensure that they are safe and secure.

Dad still checks on us regularly. And Dianne has been great too.
The rest of them...the ones who said they'd be around have long gone. I'm sure if I called they'd be there..but nobody calls to check on me anymore!!!

I am going to B.C. for 2 weeks in August. Corey is coming when I go. I'm scared I won't want to leave.. Scared it will be to good out there. Scared i wont want to come back to this nightmare of no you!!! B.C. definately won't be the same without you.....But you'll be there in my heart.

For now I'll go. I love you lots mommy!

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living,
My mommy you'll be.

love me.... may 26, 2008